Can I be the better person?
For the most part, my family gets along really well together. It's rare that there are fights or problems unless you throw one of my aunts into the picture. She was in the air force for many years and not around much. She retired a while back and moved back home (about a mile from my mom). Then things got interesting. Keep in mind, she now has a military attitude, never married, no kids.
One comment she has frequently made is that we (her nieces and nephews) should be nicer to her if we want anything from her when she dies. Who says I want anything?!? My mom's response to that was that my aunt should be nicer to us or no one will take care of her when she gets old (my mom ROCKS!). There have been many incidences over the years where she has pissed off various members of the family. I've never really liked her that much as a person but she's family...you deal with the bad stuff and move on.
I'm now to a point where I don't want to forgive and forget. Due to a limitation in the number of people we could invite to our wedding in California, the only family invited were our parents and siblings. We would have liked to includes some of our "favorite" family members but didn't think it would be fair to invite some aunts/uncles/cousins but not all. My aunt took exception to this. She did not come to the family bridal shower or the reception party in Peoria we held specifically to include the family not invited to California.
Because of this and MANY previous issues, I don't really want anything to do with her anymore. She has basically acted like nothing is wrong. I try to be polite but I tend to avoid the vicinity of wherever she is and I never strike up any conversations with her. Over Memorial Day weekend, my family had a gathering. My aunt had picked up a bunch of freebies at an event she went to recently and started passing them out to everyone. I handed mine back and said, "No, thanks". She asked how my job was going. I said, "Fine". That was the extent of our interaction.
Do I continue to avoid her? Do I confront her about my feelings? Do I just let it go and continue to deal with the conflicts, issues and tension she causes in the family? This last one won't be easy. Then again, none of the options are easy.
One comment she has frequently made is that we (her nieces and nephews) should be nicer to her if we want anything from her when she dies. Who says I want anything?!? My mom's response to that was that my aunt should be nicer to us or no one will take care of her when she gets old (my mom ROCKS!). There have been many incidences over the years where she has pissed off various members of the family. I've never really liked her that much as a person but she's family...you deal with the bad stuff and move on.
I'm now to a point where I don't want to forgive and forget. Due to a limitation in the number of people we could invite to our wedding in California, the only family invited were our parents and siblings. We would have liked to includes some of our "favorite" family members but didn't think it would be fair to invite some aunts/uncles/cousins but not all. My aunt took exception to this. She did not come to the family bridal shower or the reception party in Peoria we held specifically to include the family not invited to California.
Because of this and MANY previous issues, I don't really want anything to do with her anymore. She has basically acted like nothing is wrong. I try to be polite but I tend to avoid the vicinity of wherever she is and I never strike up any conversations with her. Over Memorial Day weekend, my family had a gathering. My aunt had picked up a bunch of freebies at an event she went to recently and started passing them out to everyone. I handed mine back and said, "No, thanks". She asked how my job was going. I said, "Fine". That was the extent of our interaction.
Do I continue to avoid her? Do I confront her about my feelings? Do I just let it go and continue to deal with the conflicts, issues and tension she causes in the family? This last one won't be easy. Then again, none of the options are easy.
posted by Tosa at
7:17 AM
1 Comments:
That's a really hard dilemma but when it all comes down to it, she is family whether it feels like it or not. I don't think you necessarily have to forgive her for the way she's acted but to save yourself the stress or guilt, tell her how you feel. Most likely she'll deny she's done anything wrong but at least you will have stepped up and shown you are in fact the better person. Most times doing the right thing, is the hardest thing.
By
Networkchic, at 9:08 AM
Post a Comment
<< Home