Bad dream

I had a bad dream last night. There are many things that contributed to this dream I think.

1. My post from earlier today which I wrote sporatically throughout the day yesterday
2. My issue with shutting Auzzie's laptop screen last week and wondering how it would effect our friendship outside of work
3. My friend Mel had her baby (Vanessa Emily) on Feb 2nd and I feel bad because I haven't called yet to congratulate her
4. My friend Al emailed saying she just bought a house and I haven't yet responded. I really want to talk to her instead of emailing but haven't gotten around to it yet.

The list goes on... I was thinking yesterday what a bad friend I am lately. This is the result of my mental state:

B and I were on a business trip in California. We had just checked into the hotel and were walking up the stairs to our room when we spotted some people we know - Firecracker and Mrs. Seattle. This seemed VERY ODD to us. We stopped to say hi and I asked what they were doing here.

They both looked at each other and then at me. Their response was, "We decided to have a girls weekend." The details are a bit fuzzy here but the gist of it was, they had become really good friends (not in a lesbian kind of way) but didn't want me to know about it.

I was devastated. What the hell? I thought Firecracker agreed that Mrs. Seattle was not a nice person? All the issues I had had with Mrs. Seattle last year and here is my long-time friend, Firecracker, sneaking behind my back. I felt betrayed. (side note: this in NO WAY reflects my feelings towards Firecracker)

The dream then changes to us being in some sort of large office. There is a bunch of background noise, a few other people in the room (some guy's secratary?) and me, Firecracker and Mrs. Seattle. I start yelling at them (not something I usually do - I HATE CONFRONTATION). Things like, "Why would you do this?" and "Firecracker, don't you remember what she did to me last year?" I started letting out all the ugly truths I hadn't wanted to say last year. Not much of a response came from either of them although, I could feel the triumph eminating from Mrs. Seattle.

The rest of the dream is pretty hazy. I woke up about 30 minutes before the alarm went off feeling very sad. I even scooted over to snuggle up to B and my puppy just to make me feel better.

I think my general impression from the dream is that I need to take care of my friendship's better. Don't put off those phone calls and emails anymore. Get better about staying in touch. No, I don't think my friendship with Firecracker is in jeapordy but I know I can definitely work on being a better friend.